she has risen

How Illness, Surrender, & Sacred Pause Are Preparing Me for My Greatest Expansion Yet, & How Yours Can Too.

Forced Sacred Pause. A lesson I have been delivered many times, yet none delivered as extremely as this current one.

I have always loved Spring. As someone who hasn’t particularly cared for winter; never have, I have always embraced the energy that Spring offers. The standard reasons; the flowers bloom in unison with my thawing skin, the bird’s songs sound sweeter, the sun reignites passion within my chest, a spring in my step if you will. There is nothing sweeter than a juicy spring peach at the beach. Every bite the juice envelops your fingers and trickles down your arm, lips, chin, chest. The water has a crisp edge to it lingering from winter, and the sun’s warmth vibrating off of your every cell. It’s a sweet thing, Spring. I have always associated it with a new chapter in my energetic field as well. I have found that newness in nature mirrors the newness of nature within myself. Parts of me begin to bloom as well; thoughts, musings, inspirations. This Spring brought what I would usually associate winter with, death.

It was Tuesday, April 22. I looked at my husband with tears in my eyes as the pain began to amplify in the left side of my abdomen, we were getting dressed to go to the ER. “I don’t want to die, I don’t want to live with an illness, I am so scared. I don’t know what’s going on”, I wept. That Tuesday; the 22nd of April, had been 68 days since I noticed some subtle yet odd changes in my body. Symptoms that were subtle yet puzzling, but easy to dismiss. It was then day 52 that I began to feel that something was really off and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It was day 39 that I knew I needed to seek help when I was back in the United States. It was day 28 and I was calling my TCM Physician and my childhood GI. I had known deep down that something wasn’t just off, it wasn’t right. I had developed chronic and unwavering symptoms. After this past weekend, I had endured this for 75 days. Talk about 75 hard. My body was battling; severe distention, pain whenever I ate or drank anything, chronic bloat, water retention, migraines, insomnia, lethargy, low grades fevers, sweats, chills, aches, nausea, vomiting, backed up for days, skin flares, the list goes on. I was so frustrated, scared, and confused. I had no idea what was happening and every day I felt more and more confused by my GI’s approach to the issue. After a trip to the GI, a CT Scan, an Ultrasound, and blood work; they gave me the answer of “Non Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease and IBS”. This didn't sit well with me. In fact, it enraged me. Because I knew in my deepest of hearts that, that WAS NOT the case. I kept searching. My TCM Physician declared through her functional blood work that there were most certainly imbalances in my body and pointed her finger in the direction of an infection or parasite. That resonated with me deeply. I live in Central America for crying out loud. That answer gave me more guidance to continue searching for what exactly was wrong. I needed a concrete answer for my own peace. I found a Functional MD and she did an extensive blood panel and it came back positive for Hepatitis A. She also validated that I have underlying immune sensitivities and it is something to take note of because it can impact me if I don’t take care of myself, which is something I already do with reverence. Now, we have answers. Concrete ones. I am working with two absolutely incredible women and they honor Eastern & Western Medicine in ways I resonate with deeply. Both guiding my body peacefully through the discarding of this infection and then supporting my liver back to optimal health.

So what happened the last few weeks, what has shifted within me?

Well, Fucking Everything.

When the Universe has no other option but to force you to remain still, and listen… it is an advanced level of pain, confrontation, fear, death, & surrender. I have experienced this before and many times over. This, this was her most powerful work yet. She stripped my vanity, my ego, my joy, my freedom; and she left me with isolation. She left me with someone that I have neglected for far too long, myself. I was laying in bed for the last month surrendering to the expansion through pain, “resting bitch expansion”, I thought to myself 2 weeks ago. For a month I; lay, wept, writhed, resisted, surrendered, rejoiced, crumbled, died, & resurrected.

It was Spring after all, she has risen.

cue the 212 Azealia Banks voiceover of Georgia Sparks in Gossip Girl, “Tell Jesus, that the bitch is back”. I did try to attach the audio but it honestly didn’t translate well.

Since last July I have been formulating and plotting meticulously my next steps as a woman, entrepreneur, partner, and being. How am I showing up in this lifetime and what do I contribute? What is my soul’s path? That is how The Spicy Artist was born. In the birth of T.S.A. I heard loud bells ringing on what I already felt for some time. I was ready to end my chapter with OnlyFans, Create a Youtube for my sculpt & yoga classes & lifestyle content, give all of my energy to social media & substack, & TRULY begin my brand as… me. To be a service to others, to inspire, to create; that is what ignites me. I ignored the initial thought of leaving OF because I kept justifying that the pro’s outweighed the cons. That topic is a Substack piece of its own, to come soon, and it is spicyyyyyy. Anyways, the thought of closing that chapter; whenever it crossed my mind, would bring me such a sense of peace. I am someone who will change her environment immediately if it isn’t serving her. Financial security kept me. The consistency of revenue that I had created for the last 3 years slowly created this toxic financial tether that I was timid to cut loose. Beyond OnlyFans, I was weary to fully show up for my brand and for myself in a way that was all encompassing. Show all of me in the most vulnerable of ways, exposing my heart and mind. This would require all of my energy, and that terrified me. For a long time I have been on social media as a “micro influencer”. Never diving in head first due to limiting belief patterns, fear of failure, fear of judgement. I have half shown up on my platforms for years due to these belief systems and I have managed to build an Instagram community of over 30k and even more insane, I created a TikTok account last August and I have grown that intimate, likeminded community to over 32k. Everyday that TikTok account grows effortlessly and I have watched it. I pour my heart into it when I feel brave, then go silent when I feel as though I “have nothing to share”. I have felt called and even had visions so immensely clear, that this is my calling and what I need to do. For months I turned the cheek on my intuition and kept dipping my toe into that pond with a sense of caution, that I typically don’t exercise. I kept wavering and showing the Universe noncommittal signs. In the past, when I am even in the slightest misalignment with my path and intuition, life will force me back on track. I’m one to answer to life’s call yet, I did adopt my father’s stubbornness in this lifetime. I am merely human.

In January I attended my friend’s vision board event at the local cafe in Nica. Our other friend guided us through a mediation before we began crafting our futures. It was the second that cued us to close our eyes that my vision began, as if my consciousness was yearning for this opportunity to show me what was next. What did I see? Well, I journaled it that night under a new moon when I got home.

“2025 VISION

She started the meditation with us seeing ourselves waking up somewhere and to visualize what that was like…WAKING UP:

I woke up in what felt like our home that we built on our land but I was shocked to see that our land doubled in lot size. I was sleeping on the right hand side of the bed. The room was orange in hue due to the sun rising. All the animals were asleep scattered around us. Alex was to my left, asleep yet waiting for me to arise. In front of me was large glass doors and windows over looking the jungle. The room is wide with high ceilings and the energy of it is warm, yet crisp, cozy, & yet open, like a hug from the sun somewhere between Bali & Mallorca. I walked down stairs and put on my home body playlist, Alex is making coffee.

I opened up our kitchen window doors, the wooden, hand carved, intricate kind. Letting the breeze sweep in from the valley. Watching the shades of pink, yellow, orange, and blue scatter across the sky as the sun rose. The smell of coffee was seeping into every molecule of air around us. The fur babies eating eagerly at my feet. We open the doors to the patio and I light some incense and a few candles. We sit on the balcony and chat about our sleep, our dreams, and what we have going on for the day. We chat about all things spicy artist and the list that needs tending but isn’t pressing.Alex checks the tides and it’s time to surf. We take the 80 down, & its chest high and glassy. I drop in perfectly, and carve down the line and have a beautiful bottom turn. The water is refreshing, there’s rainbows, & the lineup is just our friends.Every duck dive feels like the most delicious dunk of blue lagoon energy, the waves keep coming & everyone is having a session. We come home and it’s absolutely fucking beautiful. It’s not a bright white but light washed in various hues of white. There’s flowers everywhere, beautiful steps with tiles scattered, the carved wooden windows outline every accessory window, the melinche tree cascaded over the whole property. A cute fence surrounds the property with a cute gate with our houses name on it. The steps to the front door are charming, warm, & scream character & us. All of the flowers and plants that decorate the home are intentionally plumerias, lilies, and whatever flowers hummingbirds love. We rinse in the hot shower outside in the garden. We tackle each other, then we tackle the day.

THE EVENING: As the sun is setting I am wrapping up a sculpt class that I am filming, and Alex is beginning to prep dinner. I sneak in for a hot shower and he’s already poured me a tall glass of organic red. He says that we confirmed to have guests over; I saw my best friends. I slip into something breezy and light.

The sun is setting and we can see all the colors in the sky.

We all grab food and sit around the table & I begin a toast, “ eaaaaakk, I can’t believe we are finally here. It took a lot of sacrifice, a lot of hardships, and a lot of trust to get here. And we couldn’t have done it without the love & support of you guys. Let’s make memories in this home, starting with nights like these” and we all sat, ate, drank, listened to music. And it was one of the most beautiful nights of our lives. Sharing our dream with our loved ones.

As I prepare for bed, I see my reflection. My skin is radiantly clear, my hair is down to my hips, fringed with scattered varieties of sun bleached blonde hues. My body has never looked and felt better, I see a few more new tattoos. I feel free, sexy, confident, at peace. I have never been healthier in my life. I had no health issues whatsoever. I looked strong, lean, glowing, healthy, and happy. We get into bed and I lay facing Alex to start. We share our gratitude for the night. We can’t believe that this is our life now. We kiss, I turn around and he spoons me, holding me tightly to him. The air in the room is cold, the blankets cozy. Hank at our feet. The kitties scattered around the room. I checked my bank account before turning my phone on do not disturb, I had millions of dollars in my savings account and I saw $50,000 just entered my checking that evening. It felt like this was just one account, or just the begging of more wealth, like this was a new chapter of wealth that I had called in and accepted. I felt excited yet not shocked. Because I know my worth and I have done so much to get here. I’m not scared to have this wealth because I am free, a vessel for love and light. I am a worthy. I closed my eyes knowing all I have ever endured was to be here, and that here was just the beginning. And, so, it, fucking, is. 2025 is mine. Its his. Its ours.”

INSANE RIGHT? Well, it gets more insane…er, more magical I mean. Are you ready?You are already in this deep, you might as well keep going… I will tie you into all of this soon.

2 weeks after my vision and the vision board night, Alex got the call that we were able to expand our land by almost triple and buy it that week. That same week I had my first viral video on my new TikTok account, & 2 weeks after that I was invited on a content surf trip in the Mentawai’s. All of these incredible and beautiful things came my way yet I was still ignoring the voice in the back of my head. I was still ignoring the “you must free fall and dive in head first” voice. I wasn’t listening to the “leave OF, it is monumentally overdue” circulating my brain. Slowly, around this time it was mid February & I (unknowingly) contracted Hepatitis A and my symptoms shortly after started to manifest. Now here we are, 75 days later. What have we learned? This is where you come in.

If you are in misalignment with your soul’s path, you will pay. Not because the; Universe, God, Goddess, Jesus, Sky Daddy, whatever you believe, punishes you. The Universe has a way of showing us exactly where we need to go. Whether it’s whisper in the back of your mind, or a gut feeling when in the act of doing something that once felt amazing but no longer does. Your intuition is constantly speaking to you, giving you feedback, insight, and foresight. When your intuition begins to whisper to you, that is not a whisper. That is a yell. That is the sign that something is off and you must tune inward and shift gears. You have time, but how much? I believe it depends on the soul and the severity of the matters at hand. Regardless, you have insight to your future. Always. You always have the answers. When you ignore, quiet, and steer away from your truth; that is when you are put into a position to sit and listen. A resting period for your mind, body, and spirit to unify harmoniously. I don’t think of it as punishment, I view it as re-direction. If you are connected to self on the level where you hear your intuition, you have already conquered the hardest part. Connecting to yourself. Illness, injury, break ups, being fired; these are all universal signs to pivot, to reassess. With illness in particular, there are emotional ties to every single part of your body that harbor and hold onto what you don’t release, create, or exude. It is all connected babe, it is all one unit. Let yourself crash out, it isn’t breaking down. It is breaking through to your highest potential.

I had the vision. I had asked for the most abundant version of myself, and I saw her. Deep into this phase of rest and healing it dawned on me that if it wasn't for this I wouldn’t have been forced to not work, I wouldn’t have found out that my liver needed some love and care, and I wouldn’t have come up with my brilliant ideas for what’s next. Most importantly, this gave me an opportunity to spearhead my health, something that I have yo-yo’ed with for 4 years. I had to go through all of this to get to her, future me. The me I have worked tirelessly on. I have 4 months of no alcohol, no travel, no option to grow complacent with OF as a back burner for funds. I am here. I have finally arrived. It took the Universe 75 days to bring me to my knees, to sit still with myself, and listen. What if the universe doesn’t have to bring you to your knees? What if right now; you’re reading this and going, “My God, it’s time. I need to do this, I need to rise!”. Now is your time. This piece is for you. A remembering that you can pivot, and switch whenever the fuck you want. You don’t need to be brought to your knees and have a soul shattering ego death to hear the call within the home of your mind. If the whispers are present, then begin.

I challenge you. I challenge you to give yourself permission to fully show up as yourself. To be enveloped in your energy, so much so that it imprints on those that come into contact with you. I challenge you to step into your power at your soul’s first call. I refuse to challenge anyone to 75 days of two workouts, a restrictive diet, daily comparison photos, and what the fuck else… oh yeah the water. You know what I do challenge you to do for 75 days? I challenge you to:

• write 4 things that you are manifesting & 4 ways you’re creating actions towards them

• sit with yourself for 4 minutes everyday, just 4 minutes. be open to listening to you.

Super simple. 75 days. 2 new mind/body/spirit connecting rituals to instill into this version of yourself that is chasing your universe’s more. Your universe has no budget, has no limit, has no bounds, no roof. What can exit, can flow in. It is that seamless… if only, you answer the call.

If you are wondering where that leaves me; well, exactly where you left me but in new rare form. Writing on here to you with my lady dick on the table, pouring out my deepest darkest secrets to you. No longer baring my body, but my mind and gifts. My heart is in the palms of my hands, open for you to take & devour. I will be teaching you in my sculpt and yoga classes online awakening the pre-existing fire within you, pushing you to your highest. I will be yapping, sharing, expressing, living with you on my TikTok, (The Spicy Artist), & lastly on Instagram, (Gabriella__Cristina), where it feels more like my roots. A place I used to call home and visit periodically to see loved ones and connect, & to touch base. I am grateful for you. For being here, for entering this slice of the internet portal where we can all connect, feel, & be seen. Wherever you are I hope that you are healing, that you are happy, that you are staying spicy, and most importantly…

that you are giving yourself permission to rise.